


Please Eat

by Nitchen



Series: Grelliam [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Pronouns for Grell Sutcliff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, References to Depression, Trans Female Grell Sutcliff, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26234491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nitchen/pseuds/Nitchen
Summary: TW: ED, Depression talk! If you are not very comfortable with such themes, don't read this fanfiction!Grell has problems, William notices this and want to help the red-haired lady.
Relationships: Alan Humphries/Eric Slingby, William T. Spears/Grell Sutcliff
Series: Grelliam [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105118
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Please Eat

**Author's Note:**

> TW: ED, Depression talk! If you are not very comfortable with such themes, don't read this fanfiction!  
> ~~~  
> Hello!  
> So i wrote this Oneshot a month ago and i forgot to publish it.. xd  
> \- Nitchen

The red-haired office worker had been behaving strangely for a few weeks, and not only William T. Spears, the scabby and cold head of the office, noticed this. Ronald, Alan, Eric and even Othello, who was her best friend, had noticed that Grell Sutcliff was no longer the jarring and funny colleague who filled the whole office in a good mood every day. Even if her private life was very difficult, she had only had her hormone therapy get approved six months ago, and it went wonderfully. She already looked much more feminine, had a narrower face and her skin was much softer.

Not that the black-haired knew this because he had touched her, he had heard this from Othello at lunch. Since William realized that she was a woman and had dealt with the issue of being transgender, everything had become clear to him why he had always suppressed a feeling of himself. He had found her so great already during her apprenticeship, but ignored his feelings because he was straight — he had tried to imagine a relationship with a man and had absolutely nothing against homosexual couples, but he wasn’t gay.

Alan and Eric were a well-known couple in the Dispatch, they were always together and sometimes you could catch them in the entrance hall as the brown-haired Shinigami sat on the blonde's lap and kissed them around, showing their love openly and proudly. They were already engaged, but the Thorns of Death, a life-threatening illness that had tortured Alan for over a year, made their lives more difficult. But the two held together with no matter what would come.

Eric had become more cautious since they found out about the disease. Because there were days when Alan kept losing his balance or had no strength to eat, he always carried him around the office and fed him at lunch in the cafeteria.

But William was not very interested in the two Shinigami, even if the sight of the two was heartwarming. He was more worried about Grell because she wasn't there to eat today. Otherwise, she always sat with Othello at the table in the back row. Although the red-haired lady had some friends, most of them were with someone other and had lunch or with their partner. The forensic scientist with the dark green hair was just too cute and a good listener. He had helped Grell get an appointment with a specialist and supported her wherever he could.

Ever since Grell helped Othello with the training, they have been best friends. Even if Othello was a little nerd who was always fooling around with scientific stuff and always had his Pokémon cards in his backpack and challenged all ignorant Shinigami to a duel in the middle of the office. He was an interesting personality, whose thoughts first had to be understood to be able to communicate properly with him. Because even if the lab coat looked sluggish as if he were a genius, he sometimes acted as if he only had two functioning brain cells.

He understood her feelings and was often there when she just needed a hug. And there were also rumours of a secret relationship, but both had said no. No, they were just best friends and nothing more. Furthermore, Othello was asexual and had no interest in women or men, only in his books or in science, his work and noodles. He was munching it happily and scribbling something in his notebook.

With a sigh, William got up and picked up his tray. Like every Wednesday the lunch was pasta with tomato sauce, Grell's favourite food. So it was a little strange that the young lady wasn't there for dinner. Otherwise, she was always the first to stand at the food counter and was happy about what there was to eat. They had lost some weight for some time, had become much thinner, even if Grell was very slim.

When someone asked, she had only said that she did not feel hungry at the moment and therefore often spent the lunch break in her office, which she shared with Ronald, who had to do with his new girlfriend and it seemed as if everyone in the office had found their great love, everyone except Grell Sutcliff.

The red-haired had a short relationship with a colleague from the glasses department some time ago, but it only lasted a few weeks, and then they broke up. William was aware that the lady was openly bisexual, like Eric she somehow made it clearer. She had a small bisexual flag on the wall next to her desk. On this hung some pictures of their friends and also a small transgender flag, directly above the bi-flag.

The black-haired was secretly amazed by her courage to come to work in a bra or dress. She often wore a ponytail and a short blouse. However, Grell also had the perfect figure. The Shinigami was happy with herself and a role model for many women in training. William was soon to learn that not everything in the trans woman’s life was beautiful. Actually, everything went well, but something was going on, which nobody in the office or her friends suspected.

It has often been suggested that the self-confident Grell actually had severe depression and other mental illnesses, which Williams said could be right. Because of her dysphoria, she probably had depressive phases that cannot be adjusted with a little of hormones. Even if she always described herself as a woman and was one, maybe she sometimes had problems with her birth sex, which was male.

The clerk went to the back of the cafeteria while Alan, Eric, Ronny and his girlfriend, who were all sitting next to each other, turned around and sat a little confused — what was going on now? Why did her boss get up and walk towards the small, unobtrusive nerd who was just playing with the Game Boy he had brought with him and was completely immersed in his world. Although other Nintendo consoles have long been on the market and the little forensic probably had them, he preferred the Game Boy. Everyone had their own opinion, but even William thought that the little nerd really had roof damage.

But he was also a little genius when it came to human anatomy or medicine, he also mastered mathematics wonderfully, but he didn't like any other Shinigami, apart from Grell, of course. She was always there for the little man and was nice to him knowing what it felt like to be misunderstood and lonely.

The liquorice lover didn't look up, not even when William T. Spears sat down next to him, causing whispers around her. Because when did it happen that the otherwise ice-cold and scabby Will sat next to an insignificant, little nerd like he was. Othello didn't think much of work and had never really listened to his training as a forensic scientist, but he had always been one grade ahead of everyone when it came to work and exams, even though he had skipped very often.

After a few minutes of awkward silence between the two, Othello took a pack of liquorice sticks from his backpack. It was amazing that he ate something other than liquorice, but his eating habits were probably just things that were strange to many. Last week he had seen him eating pickled gherkins, at his desk, straight out of the jar.

Othello silently picked up a liquorice stick and held it out to William. "Liquorice?"

"Um...no...thanks..." the black-haired glasses' wearer murmured quietly and corrected his glasses.

"Oh..okay..." he said and smiled briefly at him, then ate the black candy himself. It just tasted heavenly for him. He always had liquorice with him, in his lab coat, in a small box, or in his backpack.

"Do you know where Grell is?" he asked the other immediately, didn't want to spend time with him unnecessarily.

“In the office-”

"Thank you!" William left his food and quickly left the cafeteria, wanting to ask her what was going on. Maybe some of my colleagues had tried to beat up Grell again or do something else. She had often been a victim of violence on the street, although she was able to defend herself alone, she was unable to beat 4 men. Once she was beaten up by a party on the way home at night and had to be treated in the infirmary for a week. William remembered pulling her hair into the hospital at the time, rough as he was back then.

Now he treated the red-haired woman very differently, some would be gentler. The black-haired Reaper secretly had feelings for Grell, not that he would admit it openly, but the slim woman was hot. Some women in the office even called her “Queen” because of this. She was also a real queen, who liked to enjoy the attention, but none wanted out of defiance or boredom.

She liked being in the spotlight. That's why she had applied to be the boss but was unfortunately not selected for this job. And somehow she was ultimately happy about it because rules were not her thing. Will knew that too, knitting and obediently the following everything. Because someone had to do that, right?

The way to Grell's office was not far, William used the elevator to the fourth floor, there was her department, and then he went down the hall to room 287, the office that Grell and Ronald had shared for over a year. The two were good friends who could talk about anything, well, almost anything. She didn’t want to tell Ronald with her lovesickness, but there was the little forensic who was always there to deal with the problems of the woman and tried to solve them.

The knock on the door was loud and intrusive as if William was pissed. But Grell didn't hear it because she wasn't in her office, as Othello had said. Well, actually she was in the office, but then left. She probably wanted to get something, William thought. Or she went to the cafeteria and he missed her. But he really didn't believe this, because Grell always used the elevator, climbing stairs was too hard for her, she didn't exercise very much, but she kept her figure no matter what and how much she ate — her metabolism was probably different, the office worker thought.

"Gre- Sutcliff?" he asked loudly and looked around, nobody there. Ronny's pack of cigarettes was laying on his desk, and on Grell's was her half-full coffee cup with the transgender symbol on it. Normally she always drank her coffee quickly... William stared at the cup for a moment, there was some red lipstick on the edge, probably a print of Grell's lipstick on the cup.

It was a striking red one. She always wore it and was probably her favourite lipstick. William had observed her applying makeup several times, she started with it earlier in her training and had got better over time, her eyeshadow was just fabulous, as was her eyeliner. The women in the office mostly called this one of a kind, because only Grell could draw the line so well. She also assisted her colleagues when they needed help with clothing or makeup tips. She was a helpful woman who only wanted good things for her colleagues.

"Sutcliff?" he asked again, louder and looked under her desk, where there was only her rubbish can, nothing more. He wanted to start roaring as he did with almost anyone who was either untraceable, not listening or annoying William in general, but heard something from the toilet cubicle, a croak, a voice unmistakable to the Shinigami.

"Grell..." he murmured and strode out of the office, went to the toilets that were at the end of the hallway, actually it is against the rules to go into the women's toilet as a man, but it was an emergency for William and therefore it was not forbidden.

When he opened the door of the women's toilet, it smelled of...vomit. He grimaced, yuck! He didn't like smelly things, whether it came from mouldy bread, demons or vomit. William looked around and then sighed softly, but remained silent as he whimpered from a cabin, more precisely the cabin at the very end. Will quickly went to this and crouched on the floor, checked briefly whether there was Grell in it — his suspicions were confirmed.

The red-haired woman crouched on the floor, whimpering softly and just wanting to be alone, she said that to William when she noticed that he was there. This winced slightly, just wanted to help her. But Grell roughly refused this help, didn't want him to see it that way. Her hair was chained, her shirt full of vomit and her arms...they were so thin that the veins could be seen clearly. Otherwise, she always wore clothes that were too wide so that the slim body could not be recognized immediately, but today she had only put on a normal white shirt and shorts. It was summer now and very hot outside.

William, who was now trying to open the door, was wearing a white shirt with a black tie, pulled back hair and his equally black suit. For normal people, it would look like he was going to a funeral, but he liked it and that was the most important thing.

“Sutcliff what's going on? Are you okay?! ” he asked, trying to hide the concern in his tone, but he couldn't really manage it, the Shinigami could hide feelings and stay monotonous, but this was a serious situation.

"I want to be fine...I...I only ate something that I can't tolerate.." You could see the fear and make sure that this lie could be seen clearly in the tone.

"No, they do not have. Your lunch box is not in your backpack, don't lie to me at Grell… ”

"Othello gave me something..." she said stubbornly. “Half a sandwich…”

“Othello mostly only has liquorice, don't lie!” he growled. "Besides, you cried, I heard it-"

"I just vomited..." she said softly and swallowed, it sounded like she was still crying

"No, you didn't...come out now..." Will looked at the cabin door quietly, only a 'no' came from inside.

"Why? Don't you remember what I look like?” the trans woman then asked him.

William sighed softly. "Yes, exactly I don't remember what my colleague looks like..."

"You lie!" she scratched in a low voice and sat down on the toilet, the lid had been folded down. "You know this is against the rules, don't you?"

"No, entering the women's room is allowed for a man if it appears that the person in the toilet is not doing well..." he quoted. "I won't tell you anything else, Grell, please..."

She opened her mouth and then hesitated. Since when did he call her Grell? Otherwise, he always spoke to her by her last name, and he usually spoke this with disappointment or disgust. But her first name...he only said her first name rarely. As he said when he congratulated her on coming out, that he didn't care whether she identified herself as a man, a woman or neither, it was only important that she felt comfortable and of course, did not neglect the work.

"Why are you talking to me by the first name now, William?" she asked softly, looked at the floor and cried silent tears. Damn it...

“B-Because this is a serious situation, Grell!” he said at first, almost shouted at her, then breathed in and sighed.

After a few minutes of silence, Grell slowly stood up and opened the cabin door, but she trembled heavily and fell on the first step, but it was the black-haired office worker who stretched his arms and caught her, holding her by the hips and looking at her with concern.

"You need medical attention, Grell..." William murmured, lifting the slim woman up with ease.

The transgender woman's red cheeks were charming when he carried her out of the toilet because the lunch break was already over and all the reapers either returned to their jobs today or returned to their offices. Ronny watched his two colleagues perplexed, as did Othello, who knew what was going on with Grell...however, William was with her right now, and he didn't want to bother her, the black-haired one was her crush and if he wished one for his best friend it was that she was happy and had a relationship with someone who loved, protected and accepted her.

Everyone turned around briefly in the corridor when Eric carried Alan out of the office, it was nothing strange, after all, Alan had the Thorns of Death and was therefore often very weak, but the big Scots often carried him to the hospital or home, so that was already known. But William was wearing Grell Sutcliff, who did not try to defend herself and only pressed quietly against the black-haired one. Somehow she was a little embarrassed, but she also enjoyed it.

William was warm and you could cuddle very well with him...he smelled of his shower gel, which Grell liked. William was a decent man who always shaved and took care of cleanliness and order — she needed a man like that in her life. Grell had asked him about a date several times, but he had always rejected the Shinigami. He didn't want to cause a stir, and he also thought Grell deserved someone other than him. Maybe a cute secretary or another colleague from the department, apart from Ronald and Othello.

When she carefully raised her head and looked William straight in the eye, she smiled carefully. The black-haired was so cute...He wanted to take her to the hospital, he took care of her. William was carrying the red-haired lady and did not pull her by her long, beautiful hair after him and back then, William was gentle to her.

Immediately she had a comforting feeling that she had never felt with anyone. A feeling of security and hold what went through her whole body. She had often felt love for someone. Be it Madame Red or Sebastian, she had always felt so comfortable with William. Even if this cold and monotonous reaper often treated her roughly.

Sighing softly, he carried her down the stairs, since the elevators were probably being used now, and kept looking at her briefly to make sure that she was okay. Grell was a bit weak in his arms and her stomach was rumbling..maybe she had an eating disorder?

She had had food problems for some time. She found herself ugly and fat, even if she was considered beautiful by many in the office and everyone wanted to look like Grell Sutcliff. The redhead ate very little a day and drank most coffee to satisfy hunger. She weighed as much as Alan — keep in mind that Alan is only 5'4" and was losing weight due to his illness.

She hadn't eaten reasonable food for a long time. Either the portion was too small or she only ate a few things from the plate. Rice or noodles were always very good. However, she ate the noodles just like that, with no sauce or side dishes. As well as rice, and that quenched her hunger somewhat. She only drank water or black coffee, but only a glass or a cup a day, even though it used to be a coffee cup in the morning and evening. She was almost hungry, ate only when her body really wanted it. The reason for her possible anorexia was the rejection of her own body because even with hormone therapy she still felt like a man, saw herself as a man in the mirror, even though she always did so confidently and everyone who does it now because of her gender insulted skillfully ignored and ignored any insult. She was a strong woman, could not be won over, but even the strongest person had her weaknesses.

Those were easy to see: she secretly hated when someone tried to cut her down. And even if she always ignored it and tried to smile at all of her colleagues, at night when she was alone in her bed, shivering and thinking about the countless times when someone had broken her heart. Be it the demon Sebastian, her co-worker William or her former love Madame Red...she never seemed to find the right big love.

Grell also loathed homo-or transphobia and even founded an LGBTQ+ club with Othello in the Dispatch Society. They met every two weeks, talked about life and gave relationship tips as well as other advice. Alan and Eric, for example, were always a very popular topic of conversation in the small group, because they were just too cute with each other, just the perfect couple. There was only nine Reaper in the club, but they still had a lot of fun together — Alan once said that their club was more popular than the garden club that he founded with his partner. This had only four members, which of course included two Shinigami.

Grell also loathed homo-or transphobia and even founded an LGBTQ+ club with Othello in the Dispatch Society. They met every two weeks, talked about life and gave relationship tips as well as other advice. Alan and Eric, for example, were always a very popular topic of conversation in the small group, because they were just too cute with each other, just the perfect couple. There was only nine Reaper in the club, but they still had a lot of fun together — Alan once said that their club was more popular than the garden club that he founded with his partner. This had only four members, which naturally included two Shinigami.

William took a quick step towards the hospital and worriedly hugged the redhead, afraid to hurt her. She was so thin that he could feel her ribs under his shirt with his slim fingers.

He had never seen such a lean body, not even from the street children who died of hunger. He hated this suffering on the streets of the city and wanted to stop it, but unfortunately, he could not determine the fate of others. But in Grell's fate, he could change something if he held on to her and supported her, told her that she was strong and that everything would be fine as long as she did what the doctors told her to do.

These were completely concerned but more concerned than William at that moment, and Grell immediately got a feeding tube through which she was fed. William stayed with the young woman all the time, holding her hand and speaking to her comfortingly. Wanted to assure her that he was a beautiful woman in his eyes, a really beautiful one. But Grell didn't listen, in her opinion, she was ugly and fat, even though the young woman collapsed while walking and was even thinner than her colleague Alan.

..Who was just being pushed into the next room, and Eric was of course at his side. Al had an irregular heartbeat and for him, it was difficult to breathe, which is why the blond Scot brought him here. And again the young man had to be hospitalized, could not work, but would do the paperwork in the bed as William knew him. He was a hard-working man who always made everyone reasonable and orderly.

Soon the Thorns of Death would completely occupy his body, separating him from everything he loved. There was a certain myth, but there was no proof that it was really true. A thousand pure souls are to be gathered in order to bring the suffering that was caused by the thorns to an eternal end. But it was forbidden to collect souls that were not on the list. Especially those of people who have never done anything bad in their lives.

But the blonde man with the cornrows didn't care, he just wanted his big love to be fine, that Alan was happy and that he laughed like before the illness. However, the disease continued to spread, causing the flower lover to become weaker and weaker.

‘That’s not important now’ William just thought quietly and sighed briefly when the doctors sent him out of the room, they said she needed rest, and he was able to come back to her in half an hour.

Sighing, he straightened his glasses and nodded, then sat down on the bench, leaning back with tears in his eyes. Seeing William like this was very rare. In fact, he kept all his feelings secret, because he did not develop a friendship or closer relationship with any of his colleagues. He didn't need friends, because in the end they only disappointed him.

A few minutes passed and then he wrinkled his nose. He smelled the scent of a certain man, who had sat next to him with a sigh of concern. It was Eric because Alan needed rest and had to be alone, at least that's what the doctors said, as always.

"Slingby.." the black-haired looked at him and Eric raised his head.

"What is it, Mr Spears?" Eric asked in his calm voice that had a strong Scottish accent. It was hardly possible to understand him unless you were dealing with him on a daily basis. William had known him for a few years and had assigned Alan to him for training.

"Go back to the office, Slingby..." he said quietly. "Humphries won't die..." murmured the black-haired clerk.

"No .." Eric just said. "I have to stay here if Alan's condition worsens then.." muttered the blonde with the cornrows.

"I stay here..." he said briefly.

"But with Grell and not with my Alan...what does she actually have?"

"It's none of her business, Slingby.." he growled, looking coldly at him.

"Okay..." he said then and waited. It was completely silent for the remaining minutes, and then he got up, went to the room where Alan was lying, opened the door and went in.

The black-haired man also got up, went to the door of the room in which the red-haired woman lay and waited briefly.

He heard a 'come in', then he opened the door and looked at the young woman. Grell smiled softly and looked at her crush, which carefully entered the room and then sat next to the bed.

"Hey..." he said softly and looked at her beautiful green eyes that flattered the thin face. He carefully stroked her cheek with his thumbs, making Grell flush.

"Hello..." she just said, swallowing, lowering her head and not looking at him. "Why did you do that?"

"What?"

"Bring me out of here...they hurt me here...I don't want this .."

“Why don't you want that Grell? You have to eat a little more..you're way too thin...I even think Alan weighs more than you and you know what it's like…’’

William carefully took her hand, a gesture of affection and love, but for Grell, it was much more than that.

For the red-haired trans woman, the gesture of the black-haired man was hope and loyalty. He knew she would always love him and hope that he would return that love. Ever since they were young Shinigami apprentices, she had loved him. As cold and sweet as he had been.

The two just looked at each other for a moment, then Grell squeezed the larger reaper's hand and smiled gently and carefully.

William then carefully stroked her cheek with his thumbs, wanting to show that he was beautiful in his eyes. Her long red hair, her beautifully shaped breasts, which she found a little too small, but for him the bust size of the young woman was just perfect, everything about her head and foot was just beautiful.

"You look beautiful Grell, believe me..." he said after a long silence, looked at her lovingly.

She just shook her head. No, she wasn't. William sighed softly.

"No...that's not true.." the young woman murmured softly while the black-haired woman looked at her quietly.

"You say that to Grell, but I can tell you with a clear conscience that all women in the office want to look like you..you're beautiful..." the suit wearer turned slightly red in the face when he told her this. "I think you look beautiful..just please, eat more, right?"

"I'm trying.." she murmured, leaning slightly against William's surprise, enjoying his warmth and smell. “Only I always fall behind…’’

"How about I help you eat normally again?" he offered to her.

The red-haired woman just cocked her head. “Are you sure about William? I thought you hated me and wanted me to change or go right away because I'm not doing anything right ..”

"I lied to Grell. I love you...for a long time but...I...I can hardly show my feelings.." he explained softly and squeezed her hand carefully. "...and if you want... I'd like to be with you..." he murmured softly.

"Really?" she asked softly, looking at him with shiny green eyes.

The office worker just nodded, then leaned forward to touch the woman's lips with his own.

For a moment, everything around her was silent, downright frozen. She could hear her own heart, which hit her ribs quickly. Was it real or just one of the myriad dreams she had had about William in the past few years. She wished to be loved by him, she said that openly, but the depression had kept her quiet until there was no sound from her throat.

"Yes...forever..." he stroked her cheek. "But promise me you'll take care of your body more and make sure you eat properly again, right?"

"Okay, William..." Grell said quietly after a few seconds and looked at her hand, which held the colleagues. The black-haired stroked the back of her hand and looked at her silently for a moment.

At that moment they both knew that they could trust each other with everything. They would be a power couple if they just stick together. She needed no one but William, who had kept her heart ready for the red-haired woman all the time until the right moment came.


End file.
